The Perfect Language

"Our language has generators, obfuscators, qualifiers, annotations, collimations, computations, dissertations, and decerebrations." "Oh now you're just making things up."

Garbage collection on the cheap, twenty stacks stored on the heap, it computes and lets you sleep, it's the perfect language o/~

Behold this marvel of the age, guaranteed to raise your wage! Mallocs using every page, buy it now - it's all the rage! Perfect password one way hashes, never breaks and never crashes, comment with a pair of slashes, it's the perfect language o/~

Need to interact with SQL? Our data access has no equal! And lest you wonder what it costs, nevermind, just ask your boss! Install it now and test it out, you'll soon know what we're all about. You want support, you've got the right, a service pack is on our site, and version 2's due out tonight, iiiiiiiit's the perfect language! o/~